Am I Blue? by Bruce Coville : Guilt and Embarrassment
In Class we have been reading the short story 'Am I Blue' by Bruce Coville and analyzing it. In the story Melvin, the fairy godfather, asks Vince if he's feeling 'guilt by association' at being around him. Throughout the story I began to think that that idea really is one that is major theme in the story. At the beginning I only saw it in Vince, but as I read it I began to see it in almost everyone, from people mentioned only once, to huge characters in the story. Even more, I began to realize that this theme is huge in real life, not just through people being gay, but about a lot of things.
I think that the main character Vincent really shows the idea of being embarrassed or guilty through association and especially when he is around Melvin. On page five, Vince shows this when he and Melvin are walking towards the cafe. He asks Melvin to stop walking 'so swishy' and later he snaps at Melvin to stop calling him honey. I think that Vince acts like this because he doesn't want people to see him with Melvin like that, because he thinks people will assume that because Melvin is gay, Vince must be and he feels guilty being caught walking with Melvin. Then, later, on page eight Melvin winks at a college boy in the cafe and Vince yells at him to stop. Also, on page eleven while Melvin is giving Vince 'gaydar' he touches Vince's eyelids. Vince's 'cheeks burn' and he wonders if anyone else has seen. I think that to me this shows that Vince is embarrassed, because he tells Melvin its not because he feels guilty to be around Melvin its because he doesn't want to get beaten up, and I think he's lying because he acts really strange and awkward around Melvin and always tells him to stop when he's 'acting gay.' Also, I think that Vince is worried that if he's with a gay guy people will naturally assume that he is gay to, which he has always been embarrassed about. Lastly, all the times I mentioned throughout the story show Vince being ashamed, and as if he is trying to hide from the idea that he or anyone with him is gay.
Also, I saw this theme in the other characters, whether they were mentioned once, or large characters in the story. First of all, Butch Carrigan, who bullies Vince throughout the story and then at the end is discovered by Melvin to be gay. I think that this shows that he was so embarrassed to be gay that he tormented all of the gay kids so that kids would get the idea that he was a homophobe, and certainly not gay himself. Also, Vince mentions the man who runs the grocery store is married with kids and yet he turned blue when Vince had the gaydar, and I thought that he relates to Butch, where he is willing to do anything, and go to incredible heights, so that no one would find out that he is gay. Lastly, the congressman who was always saying offensive things about gay people on television and publicly displaying himself as a homophobe because he is so ashamed and guilty that he is gay. These are all examples of characters in the book that feel guilty, or ashamed of the fact that they are gay.
Lastly, I think that the idea I've been talking about of people feeling guilty or embarrassed to be associated with something is huge in everyones life. It can show in the way it does in this story, the idea off hiding that you're gay, or it can show in much smaller, or bigger ways. In other books I have read it shows as being embarrassed or ashamed of your religion, your race, your class and many other social qualities. On the other hand it can be as simple as an embarrassing parent, or more in general its qualities that could set you apart from other people and make you different that people are usually ashamed of in our society.
In conclusion, I think that the idea of 'guilt by association', as Melvin puts it, is not only huge in this story or in many other books, but its also huge in many peoples lives and always has been. While writing this I realized that because of the way our society is built, usually the qualities that cause people to be embarrassed or ashamed are the qualities that make you different, or could set you apart from anybody and everybody else.
Also, I saw this theme in the other characters, whether they were mentioned once, or large characters in the story. First of all, Butch Carrigan, who bullies Vince throughout the story and then at the end is discovered by Melvin to be gay. I think that this shows that he was so embarrassed to be gay that he tormented all of the gay kids so that kids would get the idea that he was a homophobe, and certainly not gay himself. Also, Vince mentions the man who runs the grocery store is married with kids and yet he turned blue when Vince had the gaydar, and I thought that he relates to Butch, where he is willing to do anything, and go to incredible heights, so that no one would find out that he is gay. Lastly, the congressman who was always saying offensive things about gay people on television and publicly displaying himself as a homophobe because he is so ashamed and guilty that he is gay. These are all examples of characters in the book that feel guilty, or ashamed of the fact that they are gay.
Lastly, I think that the idea I've been talking about of people feeling guilty or embarrassed to be associated with something is huge in everyones life. It can show in the way it does in this story, the idea off hiding that you're gay, or it can show in much smaller, or bigger ways. In other books I have read it shows as being embarrassed or ashamed of your religion, your race, your class and many other social qualities. On the other hand it can be as simple as an embarrassing parent, or more in general its qualities that could set you apart from other people and make you different that people are usually ashamed of in our society.
In conclusion, I think that the idea of 'guilt by association', as Melvin puts it, is not only huge in this story or in many other books, but its also huge in many peoples lives and always has been. While writing this I realized that because of the way our society is built, usually the qualities that cause people to be embarrassed or ashamed are the qualities that make you different, or could set you apart from anybody and everybody else.
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